Why is it a great sign of male virility to have lots of notches on your guy-bedpost, but when a woman does the same, she is not equally respected? Rachel Kramer Bussel, investigated this question in her recent Huffington Post: Sexual Math: A Small Number of Partners Does Not Add Up to Happiness.

“Yet another reason feminism still has work to do: women who surpass an entirely arbitrary number of sex partners are labeled ’sluts.”

Hmmmm. It truly amazes me how people throw such words around, as if life is high school. If you look up the word “SLUT,” the definition reads: “an immoral woman, a prostitute.” But, then if you look up the word “IMMORAL” it says: “not conforming to the accepted rules of morality, morally wrong, especially in sexual matters.”

Interesting to note the words “accepted rules.” Wouldn’t it be wise to ask ourselves: Who made these rules? Are they a fit for me? Do I think everyone should live by them? Aren’t they based on religious oppression meant to keep women in line? What are these rules anyway? Or does society just make them up as we go along? Also these so called “accepted rules” would be different in Europe or any sexually liberated country like Sweden or Denmark, when compared to America. Does that make one country more immoral than another?

This is such bullshit, since it’s all a judgment-call, made in the mind. If one segment of society or a whole nation doesn’t accept those so-called rules, then are they immoral? it’s only  a different game being played by different rules. Wake up America and while you’re at it, grow up sexually as well. I am well aware that this is not an easy task since social and religious conditioning plays a part in both women and men who are brave enough to have numerous sexual partners or choose to have only one – and the repressed who can only judge, shun and impose their “accepted rules” on everyone else.

Could it be that we are all victims of our own beliefs and limitations concerning our sexuality? All this blogging and ranting about people’s sexual opinions like the article on the 15 lovers that Carla Bruni had before her marraige to French President Nicolas Sarkozy or the article by Michael Bader about John Edwards’ affair that has infuriated so many…

What does this really say about America and its obsession with famous peoples’ sex lives? Why have we made such a natural desire so repressed, obsessed and unnatural that in some cases it even turns into deviant behavior as in rape and child abuse? The author of the article on Edwards is a psychologist and psychoanalyst and his forthcoming book “Male Sexuality: Why Women Don’t Understand It – and Men Don’t Either,”  says it all to me.

I often and always say to my students, “It’s the blind leading the blind.” In other words, both sexes never will understand their own sexuality until we stop seeing and feeling it as somehow separate from the rest of ourselves – when we start embracing our sexual nature as a natural, playful and an integrated part of our wholeness. Balance is what we need to strive for. Our sexuality can’t be contained in a little box that we take out when we feel the need or the right opportunity comes around – and the rest of the time we stick it on a shelf. We need to  learn to be totally present with this divine, creative force that is connected to us all. Indeed, it is what made us. Only then can we attempt to heal the giant sexual wound on this planet.

Now you’ve got me on a roll, but I’ve got to go since it’s 3 am. Love that cat energy…

Dagny Boch, CHT is a Tantric and Taoist educator for over 10 years – but most importantly, a sacred sexuality advocate. She believes that everyone deserves a spiritually fulfilling sex life. It is her endeavor to bring the sacred back to sexual love… founder of the World Institute of Sexual Enlightenment.