Just Ask! Hetero Woman Thinking About Having Sex with a Woman… Amara Responds
by Amara Charles on 20/11/08 at 9:12 am
We very much enjoy hearing from readers. Our teacher/coaches are pleased to answer your questions on anything… in this ongoing Q & A. Just Ask!
QUESTION:
Hello,
I received your QSM e-newsletter today and found it not only very informative but actually an interesting read. I have no idea where I signed up to receive the newsletter but I am very glad that I did. I would like to have upcoming information about your membership area.
I also would like to know if you would address a specific topic at some point in the newsletter as I know I am not the only woman who this applies to.
I am a 54 year old divorced woman. I am very fit, very feminine, blessed with great genes, look and feel amazingly young, incredibly healthy, still have a tight body, have no problem attracting or keeping a relationship with a man but right now I do not want a man in my life. I have just sent my last child off to college so now my nest is empty, I am lucky enough to be able to cut way back on my days and hours I work. I have very few daily responsibilities and lots of time for fun and excitement.
I am a woman who has always preferred men sexually and consider myself as heterosexual or straight. In the past few months for some unknown reason, the thought of having sex with a woman has not only interested me but is now the subject of my masturbation fantasies, the storyline of the porn I am watching and best of all, the intensity and number of my orgasms at one time has increased overwhelmingly. Please be clear that my attraction is only a sexual attraction and not an emotional one.
I know by looking online that I am not alone at my age, who is in the same boat as I am. I will eventually find a woman and see if the reality is as exciting as the fantasy. Until I do, I would be interested if you had any information, data, explanation, literature or reason why at this point in my life I suddenly have this strong almost overwhelming sexual urge or should I just chalk it up to hormones 
Thanks so much
Marlena
ANSWER:
Hi Marlena,
Many thanks for your support and questions. I loved reading your letter, and I think you are right about not being the only woman with these thoughts and desires. I’d like to offer you some of my personal
reflections and observations.
I should say that I now live with a woman, so I do have some experience that may be of interest. I should also say that I totally love men; always have and I always will. What I mean is that I love them both emotionally and sexually, so I guess you could say that I am bisexual.
I can understand your attraction to women, as I believe women are the most lovely creatures on the planet (and the most mysterious, and the most complex too!) From the Taoist and Shamanic perspective (where I come from in my views on sexuality,) both traditions see sexual relations between women as natural and beneficial. In their view, there is much to gain in sharing sexual energy with a women. According to both these traditions, women, when they are together sexually, gather yin energy. What this means is their
energy adds to each other. Like two bowls of receptive energy, their yin forces can join, like adding water to a cup or a bowl- they merge or flow into a greater container.
In the shamanic tradition it is said that women “dream together” because they both have wombs. Thus, the function of women being together (sexually or otherwise) is to dream (or enhance each other’s intuition). This happens naturally because their yin or feminine essence blends easily together.
Thus, usually when there is an attraction for women sexually, it is a sign that there is a desire to gather the sensitivity and sensuousness of feminine energy (yin forces), to cultivate intuition and to dream more deeply into life.
This being said, and again, this is my personal view, it sounds to me that you do enjoy and can still benefit greatly from being sexual with men. That you have constant fantasies, and right now are really turned on by the thought of being sexual with a woman, is most likely intensified because you have never done it. You know- the forbidden fruit is often more alluring that what we’ve got. (plus, the unknown can be very sexy indeed) So it is easy to be turned on by our minds about something. In fact, 90% of sexual activity occurs because of what is in our minds, and thus our greatest turn ons happen mainly by what we have roaming around in our heads.
Now, my sense from what you have said is that because you have never actually been with a woman (and I believe it is totally natural to be curious about being with someone of the same sex) your thoughts are generating a sense of heightened arousal, and great stimulation for you.
This can be either a good thing, or not so good. If you are obsessed, it is not so good, because sooner or later it will lead to an imbalance or confusion. If your fanaticizes are treated as natural and wonderful curiosities and you don’t repress your feelings then they can help you to explore new things you seek to understand. So the idea is not to get too carried away, take your time, make good choices, and always be safe. In other words, have fun and enjoy your imagination.
I think you are right that someday you may try being with a woman and then you will see if you actually enjoy this. In my view, being with a woman sexually does not make you gay. In fact the majority of women who try it out – so to speak – find that their real sexual preference is still for men. I call this being Bi Curious. It is a wonderful state of mind.
Finally, a word about he beauty of being sexual with a woman; it teaches you about YOU. It comes from a deep desire to know yourself, meaning, how you feel inside your own body, how your skin feels, how warm and soft your lips feel, and yes, how your pussy feels. This is what truly lies beneath the desire to be sexual with a woman, and it is something no book can ever reveal – you have to experience it. If you do explore the sensuous of a woman you will finally understand why men desire us so much. You will finally discover how unbelievably gorgeous you really are. It is like looking in a mirror – no it’s better, it’s like being able to feel inside the mirror of pure beauty.
My goodness, I didn’t mean to write so much! I hope this helps a little. Many blessings on your journey.
Peace in the way,
Amara Hsien Ku
P.S. I have a Jade Maiden Woman’s Workshop coming up in Los Angeles Dec. 6 – 7. May I send you info and would you like to be on my personal mailing list?
602.820.4661
http://www.nourishingarts.com
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